The loneliness hits the worst the moment every person I know falls asleep
Something going around tumblr is really bothering and triggering me right now. There are all these holiday spirit messages like “If you don’t like Christmas music then stay away from me Grinch” and “If you don’t get into the holiday spirit, gtfo my blog” and other crap like that.
I get it, you love the wonder and excitement and fun of Christmas and assume that anyone who doesn’t like Christmas must be cynical or grumpy or something else negative.
Guess what? Some people (like myself) had really shitty families and Christmas was nothing more than a drunken screaming match between relatives. Some people just never got into that because no magic was associated with Christmas. The worst part of my abuse and the part I have the most flashbacks and nightmares around happened on and around Christmas. So certain Christmas songs trigger me and I will turn off the radio and deal with getting called a Grinch by my family. Or even certain smells related to this time of year set off panic attacks. So yeah, on the outside I appear like some old grouch who can’t be childlike and enjoy things properly. But that’s not it. Sometimes Christmas is just a reminder of really really horrible things, and the wonderful things that everyone else sees are invisible to certain people.